Retirement Party

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could ... ---

Vacation

My friend Jim told me that when he asked his wife where she wanted to go on vacation, she said that being married to him was a vacation. When I commented that was a nice thing to say to him, Jim replied, "Well, actually, what she said was I was the 'last resort.'" #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Coin Toss Test

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the ... ---

New Disease

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to ... ---

How Black Adam Should Have Ended

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Fred Astaire Cuts Loose: 1970 Oscars

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Cat Heaven

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat ... ---

Play on Words

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes in verse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that ... ---

Mike's Girlfriend

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't... ---

Aubrey Plaza Was Tripping on Mushrooms with Meghann Fahy When They Got Lost on a Hike

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If Jobs Were Honest | Honest Ads

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Smoking Pot

Told my wife I was going to start smoking pot. She said if I did she was going to leave me. That's proof that it gets rid of aches and pains! #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Dieting?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than ... ---

Beethoven

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the ... ---

CORRECTIONS: Week of Monday, December 5

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Christmas Riddles

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter "D". What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you! What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost. Just before ... ---

Kwanzaa Explained and How Black Folks Can Celebrate It - Beyond the Scenes | The Daily Show

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Missing Puzzle Piece

My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle. If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces. #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Date Subjects

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up ... ---

Cast Out of Eden

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A: "Your mother ate us out of house and home." #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Alcohol Consumption Warning

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. - The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again ... ---

Felix the Cat

My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, ... ---

Imponderables

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? - If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? - If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? - Why are ... ---

CTC

Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint. "I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one. "CTC? Who are they?" "You know," he ... ---

April Ludgate basically being Wednesday Addams for 8 minutes straight | Parks & Recreation

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