D.L. Hughley On Tyre Nichols & Fox News' Reaction To The Released Video | The Daily Show

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For The Kids...

Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off. Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it! Doctor, Doctor I keep ... ---

Car Privileges

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house ... ---

Four-Letter Surgery

Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!" ---

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms. The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both ... ---

Batmobile

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Robin get into the Batmobile." ---

Fast Drinker

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve soda's and starts drinking them as fast as he can. T he bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do ... ---

For The Kids...

What happened to the skeleton that was attacked by a dog? He ran off with some bones and didn't leave him with a leg to stand on! Where does the werewolf sit in the cinema? Anywhere he wants to! How do ghosts like their drinks? Ice ghoul! What'... ---

My Young Daughter

I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years. "This is Beth," I said, introducing my kid. "And what's Beth short for?" he asked. "Because she's only three," I answered. #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

"Under The Sea"

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments. Here are some of them -- the ... ---

20th Anniversary Show - George Clooney on Being Jimmy’s First Guest Ever & Pranking Celebrities

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CORRECTIONS: Week of Monday, January 23

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She Told Me To Leave

My wife packed my bags and told me to leave. As I was headed out the door, she said, "I hope you live a long and lonely life!” I replied, "So now you want me to stay?" #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Film Noir - SNL

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It's Probably Okay, Dad

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's probably okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us just did the same thing." #joke Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Inside Joke

My mate recently got divorced from his wife. They decided to split the house. He got the outside. #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Reading the Dictionary

Tried to read the dictionary in bed last night. Didn't finish it. Got up to 'P'. #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

CORRECTIONS: Week of Monday, January 16

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Golf Balls Are Like Eggs

Golf balls are like eggs... They are both white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to go out and buy more. ​ #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Missing Homework

After teaching high school for nearly 20 years, I thought I'd heard every possible excuse for missing homework until one parent sent me this note: "Please excuse Lori for not having her algebra homework. The cat had kittens on it last night." ---

Breakfast Time

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy, the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked Dewey, the new husband. "Toast and juice," Tracy replied. #joke Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Wonders of Water

If you’re feeling down, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning. #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Guest Test with Aubrey Plaza | The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

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Who Should Make the Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS." #joke Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Shipwrecked on an Island

Two men were shipwrecked near an island. When they landed ashore, one of them began screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!"The second man leaned calmly against a palm tree. When the first man saw how calm his friend was, he went crazy and shouted, "Don't you understand?! We're going to die!! "Undisturbed, the second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week. "Dumbfounded, the first man looked at him and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!! "The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. Wherever I am, my pastor will be sure to find me!" #joke Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

The Getaway

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself, for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. ---

Corporate Boat Race

American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The ... ---

For The Kids...

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah? A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them! Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs? A: You can step in a poodle! Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear? A: A petticoat! Q: What do... ---

How the Media Would Cover The Apocalypse

Usa Today: We're Dead The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share Sports Illustrated: Game Over Wired: The Last New Thing Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour ... ---

Laura Dern on Being in a Taylor Swift Video & Secret Cameo in The White Lotus

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Cat Dictionary

-- Aquarium: interactive television for cats. -- Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life. -- Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink. -- Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat. -- Cat Scan: to look for a new cat. -- Dog: a cat's ... ---

Daria Movie Trailer (with Aubrey Plaza)

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Wisdom, from Seniors...

-- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. -- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. -- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by... ---

More Good Advice From Kids

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time." - Kyoyo, age 11 "You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." -Amir, age 9 "Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." -Kellie, age 11 "If you want a kitten, start out by... ---

Nervous Flyer

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I ... ---

Jimmy Kimmel Talks to Viral “Popcorn Guy” from Texas

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First Time at a Unitarian Service

A man goes to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time, and later is asked what he thought of it. "Darndest church I ever went to," he replies, "the only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs." #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Dark, Dark

The girl walked into the dark, dark house through the dark, dark hall and down the dark, dark stairs to the dark, dark cellar where there was a dark, dark passageway at the end of which was a dark, dark room. Inside was a dark, dark cupboard and ... ---

Eating Out

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The ... ---

Math Problem

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the blankety-blank ... ---

Bring What You Can Carry

Once there was an old rich man who was afraid of dying and leaving all his wealth behind on earth. So, he took up the matter with God. He pleaded day and night to be able to take all his earthly possessions with him. Finally, God conceded. He said the man could take as much as he could fit in one suitcase. The old man immediately went out, bought a huge suitcase, sold all he owned and filled the suitcase with gold bars. Shortly after that, the old man died. Awkwardly dragging the big, heavy suitcase, he approached St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter stopped him, asked him to open his luggage, and then told him he couldn't bring his gold bars into Heaven. The man was irate. "You don't understand," he said. "I got permission directly from God himself for this. He told me whatever I could fit into one suitcase, I could bring with me."St. Peter, shrugged his shoulders and simply said, "Fine with me. But we've already got plenty of pavement here." #joke Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Classic Steve Martin Appearance From 1975 | Carson Tonight Show

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Airline Humor

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines." "Your seat cushions can be used for... ---

Classic Late Night Funny #4

Top Ten Reasons You Won't Be Receiving A Christmas Bonus Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? David ---

For The Kids...

What's a vampire's favourite sport? Batminton! What do you call a werewolf that drinks too much? A whino! Where did the witch get her furniture? From the ideal gnome exhibition! Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with... ---

CD Player

I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?" He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital ... ---

A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah

A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" #joke #short Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net