On Senility

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. ---

It's been really hot this summer. The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders. #joke #short Read more on page
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Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe

Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah." ~Lorna Rose Treen. Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes: "The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'" ~Liz Guterbock. "Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now." ~Amos Gill. "When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast." ~Sikisa. "I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice." ~Masai Graham. "How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag." ~Frank Lavender. "My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic." ~Roger Swift. "I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down." ~Bennett Arron. "Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch." ~William Stone. "My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years' which I love because they're great films." ~Daniel Foxx. #joke Read more on page
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Buddy Hackett and Roy Rogers | Carson Tonight Show

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Most-Watched Cold Opens - Season 10: The Tonight Show

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Brian Cox Tell People To F*** Off All The Time | The Jonathan Ross Show

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Two Things A Child Will Share

There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share... A communicable diseases and mom's age. #joke #short Read more on page
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Last Rites

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing so the priest repeated his order. Still ... ---

Hospital Report

An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation. "I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I ... ---

Crosswalk the Musical in Paris - Les Misérables - #LateLateLondon

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Cactus Detector

I'm no cactus expert... But I know a prick when I see one. #joke #short Read more on page
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Flying Blind

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through... ---

Potato

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if... ---

Going Out in Style

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill ... ---

Street Name

"I'd like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man ... ---

If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules" pt. 2

... continued from above Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both. Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs. Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus ... ---

James Corden and Tom Hanks Act Out Tom's Filmography

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Wrong Answer

My wife asked me what my favorite time to have sex was? Apparently "when you're at work" was the wrong answer. #joke #short Read more on page
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Artist Alice Neel Makes Her Classic Appearance | Carson Tonight Show

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Calvert Deforest Reports Live From Woodstock | Letterman

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If I Had A Dollar

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up... I could build the coolest tree house ever! #joke #short Read more on page
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Depression

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his ... ---

A Cell Number

What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin' numeral. #joke #short Read more on page
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My Jobs

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn'... ---

Foreman

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. “You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches the other men work?” “What’s that got to do with it?” he asked. “Well, he just got jealous of me,” Uncle Joe explained. “Everyone thought I was the foreman.” #joke Read more on page
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Bob Newhart Played A Prank On Johnny Carson | Late Night with Conan O’Brien

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She Changed Her Name

She wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345. #joke #short Read more on page
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Fetch A Nice Price

I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow and was told, "This is extremely rare. Do you know what it would fetch in good condition?" "Dunno," I said. "A stick?" #joke #short Read more on page
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Downsizing

Boss: Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension int his time of downsizing. Knock, knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore. ---

Fifty-Fifty

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, ... ---

Blonde on Horseback pt. 2

... continued from above Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as ... ---

Brothers and Sisters

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and... ---

Flying First Class

My husband and I were boarding an airplane with our two small children when he commented that it was too bad we weren't flying first class, where we'd have more room for our infant. "They probably don't allow babies in first class," I said. "On ... ---

Amateur Autopsy Club

I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined... Wednesday is open Mike night! #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net

Dealing With Telemarketers pt. 4

... continued from above Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.” Insist that the caller is really your... ---